It looks like my grand experiment in Grad school admittance has ended in failure. I think the person I was a couple of years ago would have been absolutely devastated and would have sulked off into a depressive state for a prolonged period. Fortunately, I’m not the same person I was a few years ago and I don’t want to say I don’t care, but I realize now that rejection might sting but it is not the absolute world killer I had thought it to be. I am going to try again in the fall, and keep trying, and trying and trying. I’m entering my thirties with some clarity about who I want to be become as a person. I know what I better myself through education. It seems simple to me, and the people who have asked if going to grad school is something I need to be a better artist don’t get it I suppose. I could go into all the reasons I want to attend, but ultimately it comes down to it being something I need to do to be the best version of me that I can be. I have always thought about my legacy as a person, I doubt I will leave a huge stamp on the larger culture but in that smaller microcosm of that world, within the dealings of people both large and small in my tiny corner of this world I want to be the sort of person that is admired for his integrity, honor, and ability to stay true to his sense of idealism. I have said it before and I will say it again, but I want to be able to walk into the halls of my fathers and be not ashamed.
Having a really great girlfriend helps ease any disappointment that I might have about this grad school thing. I feel really happy right now, which is strange and unusual to admit, that’s a story for another day.
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