where have I been

I haven’t written much in a while, I have had some things I’m working on but never got around to posting, so to my five readers I’m sorry for the delay. It’s been sort of interesting I suppose, I’ve been waiting to hear back from the various grad schools I applied to and in the interim have been seeing someone. I’ve always tried to leave my dating life out of my internet life, sure I talk about things after they go south, but I don’t really feel the compulsion to share the joy I feel at the start of things. I met her online, we talked, she told me she had a kid, and we talked some more. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately mixed with my possible grad school attendance I wondered if what I am doing is right. I had a lot of guilt about it and told her last week.
The thing is I don’t want to hurt anyone, and having a kid makes it dicer situation and I remember as a kid meeting someone my parents dated and then always sort of wondering where they went. I don’t know anything it seems, because the world is always going to be filled with uncertainty, and I can’t worry myself to death. When I hold her in my arms, I don’t feel angsty or panicked, I feel comfortable and safe. It’s virgin territory for me; I’ve always been one who waits for the other shoe to drop so I guess I am surprised to find myself sort of dating someone exclusively. I’m also surprised that all my romantic ideas about a relationship are hogwash and realize that relationships that are health are based on honest and open communications. You might be reading and saying no duh, but guess what I’ve been a serial dater so this is a new shoe to me.
It’s just strange and weird, for me to hear from someone that I am desirable and filled with admirable traits. I just like being around her, I like the way she looks at me, I like feeling comfortable around her, I like the fact that I think I can tell her things and she is isn’t going to laugh, I like how we are both artists and can have long conversations about the things that interest us. I don’t want to put an expiration date on things, and I don’t know where things are going to lead, but I like the road so far. So I guess I’m sort of happy right now.