I’m starting to ask real questions about the people I have surrounded myself with. I think friendships, like all relationships are a fluid and constantly in flux; and it would be foolish to think that any relationship must remain stagnant. It might be a sign of impending maturity, but I don’t want to constantly be hanging around persons who are uninterested or lack motivation in life.
I’ve know this person for a long time, and there is comfort in that familiarity, but that sense of the familiar isn’t doing much for me anymore. The past is the past, and it is starting to feel redundant to hang up my affections on good times we had many moons ago. I’m tired, exhausted of always feeling like I am the one who makes all the effort to start communication; and then it hit me we are going in different directions and there is nothing wrong with that. I used to get hurt feelings when my calls and emails would go ignored, and it would make me rue with unbridled fury. Then occasionally I would be tossed a bone, and I would be elated that no matter how briefly my friendship was valued.
Thanks to the magic of CHP, a forty dollar co pay, and psychology I have learned that my immediate feelings of anger and frustration are probably the correct feelings to have in this situation. I don’t think it enough but my life does have value, and if someone else can’t see that, well quite frankly bully for them. I will value the fun times, but life moves on. I used to feel real guilty about the end of friendships; I had reached the point with other people where I felt like our relationship had reached a natural ending point. I felt like it was a failure on my part, that if I only fought harder things would be different. It’s foolish I suppose though to think they would last forever, but all good things must come to an end. Except fascism I suppose.
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