The one in which our hero goes on a trip

I have recently returned form a most pleasurable sojourn, and while I could go to great lengths and describe the more enjoyable aspects of the trip; I doubt that it would make for an entertaining reading experience. Instead gentle readers, I know that my humor is borne from a place of cynicism and who wants to read me drone on about all the good I had encountered when my bitter wit is far easier to swallow then the newfound positively obnoxious optimistic outlook I have embraced.
First let me start with this bit of sage wisdom; never take a flight out of Tallahassee. I can imagine worse airports but I would be hard pressed to actually name one, that nasty business aside I can continue my story with out interruption. After a needlessly lengthy delay that was never explained, my plane from Tallahassee arrived at last to Atlanta, leaving me a scant twenty minutes to run from the last gate on concourse D to the first gate on concourse A. If my flight had not been delayed by two hours I would have had the time to leisurely stroll through the airport admiring the many fine gift shops and fast food restaurants that I would not dare to step foot in, but as it was I had to dodge and weave through the waves of people that were populating this vast airport. When I finally arrived to my gate, I was red-faced and sweating glad that I had just barley made it and relieved that my zone had not yet been called.
When fortune finally smiled on me and I was allowed to board a clearly overbooked plane I thought briefly that the rest of journey would be agreeable and uneventfully. I should have known something was wrong when I heard the word extender escape the lips of a panicked flight attendant as she brushed passed me; it wasn’t until I got to my seat that I realized this would be the longest two hours of my life.
Sitting next to me was a woman of immense proportions, three hundred pounds of fleshy substance stuffed into a red Christmas sweater. The arm rest was down and the sides of her arms were melting down towards her hips, and her thighs were exploding into my seat dripping down towards the floor. Looking down I knew this would be not be the easy flight that I had hoped, and after all why would it be; the flight had been overbooked, the overhead was full and the icing on the cake was that now I get to sit next to a woman who makes Kevin Smith seem like an anorexic.
After taking off, this woman looked at me and asked if I was comfortable, being the honest chap that I am responded no I am not and sat at a forty five degree angle for the rest of flight.