The improbability of dreaming

I had the crazy idea once many years ago deeply immersed in a terrible depression that I would channel all that wonderful energy into something creative. For at least two years I tried to follow this particular creative impulse, and some of the end results were interesting and pleasurable from a creative standpoint, yet I think the idea exhausted itself after working on the above picture. I realized that while painting can be a great copeing mechanism that the subject matter, to be diplomatic is limited. I can paint black and white birds and gloomy looking hands but after a while the subjects and the end results just become redundant. While I wouldn’t describe my personality as lightness and sunshine I would much rather draw something that is at best melancholy or pensive then full blown depressed.
I don’t think at the time I knew this was going to be my last sort of live through this painting, but enough events were going on in my life where it made sense for me to start something new. First of all I was moving, and found that while packing I had little time for painting and I was in a different mindset when I did eventually come back to it. I hate to admit its unfinished in parts, the hair’s lack of definition is something that really bothers me, but I do like the rendering of the face.
A big influence on me is the baroque art and film noir movies. When I do draw I like to make sure that there are plenty of shadows so that I can have a more interesting composition. Sometimes I feel it is what isn’t shown that makes a picture more interesting.
I think despite how aged I look here that it’s a good painting, possibly the massive amounts of varnish I used helped. I had stared to work the blacks real light and used more light colours then I am normally used to. The idea was that between layers of black that I would apply a thin layer of varnish, allow it to dry and then put lighter layers on top. I had read somewhere that the old masters had done this, and was interested to see if I could pull it off, but after two layers of varnish I grew really impatient. Mostly due to the incredible time one would have to wait for the varnish to be dry enough to paint on. In most cases varnish would be the last thing you put on a painting sometimes waiting a year after the work has been finished so that the paint can dry on a chemical level. Despite those issues I must say that it is a sort of nice capstone to a prominent period of sadness that entered my life.